My True Feelings
by Skywalker-Walking the skies
Summary: A little something a particular Jedi feels and lives through a line of depression.
1. Chapter 1

POV: Anakin Skywalker

When you feel like you don't belong. When you feel like you just want to curl up in a corner and cry. The things you do are to help others. But sometimes it just gets thrown back in your face. When you say things that are true to your friends but they don't believe. Ask yourself are they your friend. You try your best to make them see what you see. But they just don't get it. The one thing you just want to tell them just can't be said. Your life and their lives would be at stake. Do you tell them or do you not? Then you confront your Superior. He just thinks its some kind of sick joke yet he is the one you trust, the one, that can feel your emotions, yet he just doesn't believe it. You just want to poor your heart out until you can no more. You just want to make them see what you see but its just too much for them to take in. If only they could see what I see.

* * *

When you forget how to live. When you just want the world to swallow you whole and never let you out. When you feel so helpless you just want to die. When you think something is right and then it gets thrown back in your face. When your heart feels like its breaking until its very last moments. When your brain can't comprehend anything anymore. When you just want to be left alone in your misery. When you just want to dig a hole and die in it. When you feel like the world is just going to die from your pain.

This is my life

* * *

No one understands me any more. I can't let them know about my secret life. Everything's just too much. They don't understand. I've got too many secret that I can't let out. One secretleads to another. I should have never spoken of my secret life. My mum and step dad never wanted me in the first. Literally selling me off to the Jedi. I try to explain things without involving lies but it's just gets too much; so I can't say anything without involving my secret life. I know attachment is forbidden but it's not that, it's something more.

* * *

People ask me who am I? I say that I don't know. Cause truth be told I really don't. I don't know who I am where I came from who my family is and who can I trust? I just don't understand anymore until I met her. She changed my life forever yet now I see that it just made myself ask more questions. Who am I? Who are you? Do you even know who I am? Do you understand the meaning of life? Why do I exist? How do I exist? Why is my life like this? Does anyone actually care? Not anymore… the day I broke my heart, the day we parted, the day she no longer existed; the day. Still I ask myself who am I? I still don't understand. But now I know. I'm Anakin Skywalker, an average person, with an extremely, abnormal life.


	2. Chapter 2

It's official my parents didn't want me they never did. They weren't even planning on having me and even if they were they didn't want a boy. I'm just another reject. That's a failure to their parents. They don't care about you. They dont listen to you. They don't even like you. They dont even do anything you wana do. And they never let you have one thing that you've always wanted. Being sold off to the Jedi was the best day of my life. My parents were celebrating as I fought a war that protected them. Did I really care what happened to them no way!

Have you seen my life. All I have done is felt it and lived it. I think my life's hard but it's not it's just extremely difficult. Working on a project recently with my padawan friends and all they say is that I haven't done anything and that I'm a complete cheat at training but I'm not. Half the time I think there jealous and that they wish they could be me but sometimes I think it's because they fear me. Then they start bringing my family and that made rage build up inside of me. I just wanted to rip their faces to shreds but I just couldn't do that. I couldn't force myself to let my feelings get the better of me. I never even knew my family and even if I did I can bearly remember anything of it. No matter how much I wanted to scream in their faces and beat them stupid I just couldn't. But right now I have to train.

I'm so tired I can barely walk. My so called friend think its because of lack of exercise but it's not. Last night I was training, training hard. The only explanation is that I'm doing what I love. The only reason I train is because I love it. My other things I do it just doesn't make me happy anymore. I feel hurt, neglected, pain, the need for revenge which I can't do and just well tortured. Everything has made me happy to some extent but training and fighting its like I was born and bred for it. Its a natural talent I just seem to have some kind of pre-flex or something. It's amazing. Feelings right now I don't care about all I care about is finding out who I am and why.

I'm mediating right now and this is what I feel, see, live.

"The bigger question here Anakin is… Who are you?" a whisper echoed

"Who's there!?"

"Think about it Who are you?" it haunted again

"I said who's there!"

"ANAKIN SKYWALKER WHO ARE YOU?" the voice taunted

"SHOW YOURSELF!" I commanded

"ADMIT IT SKYWALKER YOUR FALLING EVER CLOSER TO THE DARK SIDE NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU JOIN THEM! UNLESS YOU FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE YOU WILL REMAIN ON THIS PATH" It continued the torture

"I WOULD NEVER BETRAY THE REPUBLIC MAYBE PALPATINE BUT NO ONE ELSE. I FIGHT FOR THE REPUBLIC YES I KNOW IM FALLING BUT I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYMORE! PLEASE ANYBODY… SOMEBODY… HELP ME!" my voice echoed

"Anakin" it taunted "I can help you if you let me. Together we could accomplish great things take over the galaxy and rule it side by side. Join Me!"

Before I had turned away from the shadowy figure but now I saw another version of me. A stronger me a… Sith me

"Who are you?" I yelled in… it's face

"Your potential and possibly your worst nightmare" it laughed evilly

No this couldn't be happening me being trapped in my own mind. No… No… Nooooooooooo I'm lost forever in my own mind.

My life has been hell. I just want to find out who I am and now it seems that I never will find who I am. My life is just another fucking failure to galaxy. No one cares about me. No one likes me. I just want to know who I am and get on with life, but no it's not that simple. Why does life have to be difficult. Life is fucked up. Life isnt worth living if your going to spend eighteen years of your life in a place without your biological parents. It's not worth living for people who don't even appreciate you. For people who just pretend to like you. Your so called friends are now your enemies. I just don't understand the meaning of life like this anymore. I might as well just give and let my own mind keep me trapped within myself. I'm not even going to try anymore; to try and live life; to try and do what's right. For all I care right now I could get violated and get thrown into the streets of lower Couruscont. No one would even look for me, not even Obi wan.


End file.
